It happens quite often. One person says something, does something, or fails to act a certain preconceived way and someone else is offended. Suddenly, best friends are at odds with one another. Many times this senerio leads to hurt feelings, anger and downright hostility. We expect this in worldly settings; but in the church? Is this an expectation that we have of those who have been miraciously forgiven and birthed into the family of Almighty God? Unfortunantly, it happens in our church families on a regular basis.
Here are a couple of observations from one who has been a pastor for almost two decades. First, it is almost impossible to motivate those who have been offended to approach the situation from a Biblical model. In Matthew 18 Jesus said, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But, if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church..." (vs. 15-17)
In my tenure as a pastor, I have noticed that most Christians find it easier to complain behind the back of those involved or simply ignore the conflit even exists than to walk through this Biblical model. Neither of these preceived resolutions are right, nor Biblical. The correct proceedure for dealing with conflict within the church is clearly stated by our Lord in the passage found in Matthew 18.
When a Christian is motivated to follow Christ's admonition, it is troubling to see that a second breech of Christian life usually takes place. Again, as a pastor it has been my observation through the years that when one Christian approaches another with a heart bent toward conflict resolution, the second party is usually not willing to listen. Rather than resolution, the outcome is more likely to be greater conflict. Someone it seems, always becomes defensive. Rather than having a heart of forgiveness and resolution, a heart of bitterness rises. This is when anger and hostility begin to penetrate the lives of those who have been called to holiness. It is during this time that the effectiveness of witness is diminished or lost. It is now when the joy of our salvation is stolen away by the decitfulness and deception of the devil. Wonderful Christian servants have had their ministry and testimony destroyed by this tactic of Satan. Some have left the fellowship of the church, never to return, simply because they were too proud to face truth, deal with reality and forgive in a manner similar to the way God had always forgiven them.
Of course, people of our day are not the first to face these frustrations. Even before the first New Testament church was formed, Christ was dealing with these issues. His own apostles didn't understand his teachings concerning conflict resolution, so immediately they came to him and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven?" (Matthew 18:21)
You see, the fact is we don't like to forgive. We'd rather sulk in our own self pity and hibernate in our own cavern of unmercifulness. We'd rather throw away all of the joy of salvation than to follow the teaching of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Jesus knew we wouldn't want to confront one another with the differences we might have. So, he made it very simple as he responded to Peter and the apostles, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven."
If every Christian could grasp this simple command and live accordingly, we'd never have to confront one another. We'd simply forgive and move on with our lives, loving one another with all of the compassion of our Lord. But, Jesus didn't leave it there. He then told a parable about a lord who forgave his servants, but one of the servants was then unwilling to follow the lord's example. The servant refused to forgive a neighbor of a simple debt. When the lord heard of the servant's unwillingess to follow his example, the lord "in anger turned him over to the jailers to be tortured..."
Then Jesus gave us this stern warning, "This is how the heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (emphasis mine, Mat. 18:23-35)
What part of this teaching do we not understand?
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Thank you for never giving up on your flock. Your words and FaceBook posts are not falling on deaf ears.
ReplyDeleteSomeday we'll ALL get it... let's just pray that comes THIS side of Heaven. =0)
Ok so I joined but and I will retype my thoughts for you on this...Its against mans nature to forgive.
ReplyDeleteMan has to walk in Gods life and with God on a regular basis to learn to forgive someone else and closer with God to forgive repeatedly. So I wonder if those that refuse to forgive are truly walking with the Lord...?
Or do they just say they are Christians so they can have a place to fit in ;Church, life group, ... Read Morebible study group or whatever. Or do they just want to hang out with Christians because they know it will be better for their families?
Why would anybody want to hang out with Christians? Who but Christians are willingly to throw their their own under the bus? Why would they want their families hanging out with us when we gossip about them and their children? Wouldn't it be cool if people actually did want to hang out with us because we were so distinctively different than the rest of the world? I mean, what if we actually did live holy lives and really were forgiving rather than judgemental? What if..... Oh yeah, what if....
ReplyDeleteI agree.....we do need to forgive, but we also need to LISTEN when people ask for forgiveness & not just keep listing the things they did wrong. When someone asks for forgiveness, don't rehash their shortcomings. Either accept or don't accept it, but they don't need to know how much they have hurt the person over again. If they are asking for forgiveness, then most likely they know they were wrong.
ReplyDeleteI find it very interesting that we talk about throwing an non-Christian a lifeline. We work hard to show them acceptance. As soon as one of our own screws up, we throw them an anchor so that they can sink.
Why are we judging people? If they want to hang out with Christians and they aren't a Christian, then we need to capitalize on that. If they are saying they are a Christian, who are we to judge their level of Christianity?? Christ loves them no matter what sin is in their life. Don't judge their sin.
Fabulous post Pr.Mitch!
ReplyDeleteI loved Lisa's comment, i agree completaly!
May God keep using and blessing your life for His kingdom and glory!
I love and miss you so...
Sometimes people don’t realize they are doing something wrong and don’t realize that forgiveness is needed. There are events that can and will take place that make people feel that they want or need to do the right thing and because of this, decisions are often made when certain circumstances are encountered that the outcome is not always a desirable one for all parties that may be involved. It is unfortunate that the right thing is not always best for everyone and that is when hurt feelings come into play and relationships/friendships can be broken. This is a very sad and unfortunate thing to have happen! When we squabble as a family at home we don’t turn our backs on our loved ones. We as Christians should follow this same rule, we are all Brothers and Sisters united by God and should love each other unconditionally. We are not to hold grudges for any reason regardless of what the situation may be or how bad the situation may seem. I believe we as Christians need to rise above that and reach out to those who are hurting even if it is something we may have caused. If we are to show the world God’s Undying Love through us and our actions then as a Christian we are to lift them up, love them, pray for them, encourage them and above all else let them know we are here when they are ready to reach out to us.
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